Patient: Doctor, I've been to the bathroom 9 times. I feel weak.
Doctor: That's diarrhoea, not cardio. What are you drinking?

Patient: Coffee.
Doctor: That's fuel for the problem. You need ORS in small, frequent sips. You're losing water and salts.

Patient: So no spicy food?
Doctor: Unless you want round 10.

Patient: When do I worry?
Doctor: Blood in stool, high fever, very little urine, or severe weakness - it is doctor time.

Patient: So, today's plan?
Doctor: Sip. Rest. Repeat.

Patient: Basically, hydrate as my life depends on it.
Doctor: Because it kind of does.